So you meet a nice guy, you fall in love and go steady for a while—naturally, the next step seems to be marriage. But have you really taken the time to think things through? My husband and I always giggle a little when we see large, extravagant weddings because we know from first-hand experience that there is nothing glamorous about marriage (don’t get me wrong! We love weddings). The truth is, it’s hard work. So if you’re going to do it, you want to make sure that you’re doing it with the one that makes it all worth it. Here are some really good things to think about before you decide to take the next step in your relationship:
1. Do you really love him? (you want to be sure that you’re not settling)
2. How’s your relationship? Is it constantly on and off or problematic?
3. How’s his relationship with God? Is he willing to grow in his faith along with you?
4. Does he pray?
5. Do you really trust him? (Think hard about this one and consider everything)
6. Would you consider him to be a friend?
7. How is he around your family and what do they think of him?
8. How is he around his family (particularly his mother) and how do they respond to you? Can you picture yourself having a relationship with them for the rest of your life?
9. What are his goals? Does he have plans to further his career or chase his dreams? What has he done to show you this?
10. Does he have a stable income? If not, is he actively looking for work?
11. How does he handle conflict? Does he deal with it in a way that you will be okay with for the rest of your life?
12. Is he disrespectful?
13. Is he stubborn?
14. What are his habits? Are there any that you don’t think you could live with?
15. Do you guys problem solve well together?
16. Is he open-minded or open to trying new things? Are you?
17. When you bring up an issue? Does he make it a priority to resolve it or does he ignore it?
18. Do his actions align with his words?
19. Is he supportive of you and your goals?
20. How easy is it for you to forgive one another?
21. Is he affectionate? If not, is that something you that you will be okay with for the rest of your life?
22. How is he with money? Does he manage it well? Does he trust God with it (tithing)?
23. What are his expectations of marriage? What are your expectations of marriage? (responsibilities, intimacy, children, money—everything)
24. What does he believe the order of the household should be? What about you?
25. What are your feelings about ‘submitting’ to your husband?
26. Does he cook? Do you cook? Is that a deal breaker for either of you?
27. Can you handle ebbs and flows in your relationship? (I can promise you that every day will not be romantic. There will be days that you may both seem distant and that’s okay)
28. Bonus: If he has children, have you seen him actively involved in their lives?
I hope this helps! Feel free to add other valuable questions about the things that really matter to you. These are just some of the issues that I’ve found to be important in almost 2 years of marriage.
What are some of the other things that are important to you when considering marriage?