Over the last week or so, I’ve seen a lot of people share their feelings about the relationship between singer, Ciara, her NFL boyfriend Russell Wilson, and her young son, Future, that she has with rapper, Future. Apparently, a lot of people seem to disagree with her decision as a mother to introduce her son to her boyfriend, so I figured I’d share my story.
When I was 20 years old, I became pregnant. I was off to college and I was nowhere near ready to start a family. It was honestly one of the scariest moments in my life. I remember literally seeing my whole life flash before my eyes when the doctor told me that my test was positive. What would my parents think? What would I do about school? How am I going to take care of someone else? But I did the responsible thing and made the decision to choose life for my baby. I quit my job, broke my lease and moved back home with my parents because there was no doubt in my mind that I needed them. In December 2011, my beautiful baby girl was born. During the entire pregnancy and after her birth, my relationship with her father was rocky to say the least so it didn’t surprise me when he decided not to be a part of her life. Of course I felt what every woman would feel. I felt hurt, angry, abandoned, betrayed and resentful but after a year of prayer and working on forgiveness (I’ll talk about this more later), I was able to move on with my life.
It seems like right after I started to feel complete again and I had seriously made the decision to never settle for less than what I deserve, God sent me the man that would become my husband, Nathan. We got to know each other for about 3 months before we made anything official but I knew after our second date that he would be my husband. That’s fast, I know, but it was a strong feeling that hit me like a freight train. I mean, he was handsome, he was smart and well-spoken, he was sweet, charming, and respectful, had dreams and goals—pretty much everything I had prayed for (And he still is! That’s Bae haha). He was the perfect gentleman and I knew he was exactly what I needed, but what about my baby girl, Destiny? I remember watching the movie ‘Think Like A Man’ and there was a scene where Steve Harvey was on the TV telling a woman that she should introduce her child to a man before they get too serious because if things didn’t work out between the man and the child, it would cause serious problems for the relationship. Those words spoke volumes to me and I always said that I would make use of that advice if I ever found someone to get serious with. Well here it was, my chance to see if Destiny would click with the man I saw myself spending forever with. Now for me, if a man couldn’t have a relationship with my daughter, that was a complete deal-breaker for me. We’re a package deal. So after a couple months of dating, I talked it over with Nathan and he was ecstatic. He was so excited to meet her, the little girl that meant so much to me. Des was only about 10 months old and was learning to walk so we set up a date at the museum. Just like I had hoped, they clicked like they’d known each other for years. From that point forward, with every meeting between the two of them they formed a closer bond. He did those things for her that no other man had done (except maybe my father) .A little over a year later, I married Nathan and he became her father. It warmed my heart to hear her little voice say, “Daddy” because up until that point she had never even known what a ‘Daddy’ was.
Imagine if I had decided to keep the two relationships separate because of what her biological father might think? Would the relationship between Nathan and I have been as strong? Probably not. Because my daughter’s father wasn’t in the picture, it wasn’t necessary for me to consult him but if your situation is different, as co-parents you should discuss whatever is necessary to keep the peace. (Disclaimer: That of course does not mean that your dating life is at the mercy of the child’s father. Children are not property and as long as they are not in harm’s way and you have their best interest at heart, you can take them anywhere and around anyone you please). My point is, go with your gut. Use your best judgment and mother’s intuition to decide whether or not you should be introducing your child to your significant other. And if the answer is no, should you really be dating them in the first place? I think we should give Ciara a break. It seems to me that she may be doing exactly what I was doing: preparing herself and her child for a beautiful future (no pun intended) . Even though society is used to failed, messy relationships, there are still plenty of success stories out there —like mine. My hope and prayer is that every woman in situations similar to mine is able to have the fairy tale ending that they, and their children, truly deserve.
So what do you think? Is it okay for a woman to bring another man’s child around her new significant other while they’re still newly dating? Any other success stories out there?